“You know, I just don’t think we are going to work out.”

“Yeah, I think so, too. We should see other people.”

This conversation is not unusual. It is quite normal. However, is it normal to remain friends after a break-up?

Well, that all depends on the status of your relationship. There is no “canned” answer to assist you. I will answer this question by having you, the reader, ask yourself a few questions. If you need to, sit down with a close friend and have a dialogue.

1. In your judgement, was it a healthy relationship? Was it healthy enough to be a mutually beneficial friendship?

Ask yourself a few questions about it. Did you exercise good boundaries by not over sharing? Did you hide a lot of important things? Some may roll their eyes at it, but deciding your boundaries even when befriending an ex (or not an ex) is crucial to helping you exercise good judgment with this topic.

Also, if someone dated you only for what they could get out of you rather than how they could make you happy, that is huge for making this decision.

If they made you happy and you believe that neither of you resent each other, then yes, go for the friendship.

2. Deep down, do you want to get back together with them?

Don’t keep in contact with them and be “best friends” because you won’t admit to anyone that you want to get back with them. Don’t even think of doing that. The best thing to do here is not acknowledge and “disengage” them, as a counselor once said. Don’t be hostile, but don’t make small talk, either.

Try admitting this to yourself if there is any possibility it’s true. Being honest with yourself is a great way to build self-esteem, and will help you when you get out of college and not live with your peers.

3. Do you have a plan to hurt them?

I do not hear of this often, but really, my stomach turns when I do hear it. If you considered this, please talk to a counseling psychologist because this is just wrong. This is pretty low blow—the other person’s and your feelings are not something worth manipulating.

If you thought of this, cut off communication with their friends—all of them. Unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Twitter.

4. You want to “fool around” while being “friends.”

This is more common after people separate after being married than it is in the dating world, but this is not healthy, either. The American Psychological Association has shown that sex actually brings your mind to bond with a person more than you may realize. This can introduce bad memories or experiences to one’s mind. I can’t stop anyone that does it, but do not say that I did not warn you.

5. Do you feel you “need” them for your self-esteem?

This should be a no-brainer. Explore a new club, take a yoga class, go for a walk, try geocaching, live life, make some new friends—all are things that are usually healthy builders of self-esteem. Don’t believe me? Suit yourself, but these ideas have been around since the first university was chartered from the Middle Ages—except for the clubs, of course. Clubs came later.

6. It is a hard time for both of you, it isn’t too painful, and you both want to be supportive friends.

It looks like we have a winner! If you both genuinely want to assist in supporting each other as healthy, supportive friends (at least for the time being), then it looks like it would not be emotionally unhealthy for you to remain in contact.

Take some space for the first week or so after the initial break-up. Go to all of your classes because it will get your mind off of it. Don’t skip assignments, because it will just increase your distress.

Then, after an allotted time and if you both feel comfortable, then hang out in a group setting. It may not be the best idea to hang out alone. If it does not come naturally, then do not force it.